Learning Deliberately: Why This Journal Exists

For the longest time, I have justified scrolling on my phone. Lying around, procrastinating tasks, ignoring the washing up that keeps piling up in the kitchen...  Ten minutes of TikTok would easily turn into forty... then an hour... then three. A slightly interesting video would lead to another, and another, and by the end of it I would be watching shit posts and poorly constructed edits with Subway Surfers covering the bottom half of the screen. If I'm lucky, I might come away with a minuscule piece of useful information, which typically is not well retained.  I began noticing this quiet frustration growing; time kept passing me by, and I wasn't doing anything practical with it.  The turning point came when I happened across a video by 'urfriendsteph' on TikTok. She is like-minded in that she is bored and has not really been applying herself in a productive way, so she started documenting short, focused 30-minute research sessions on different topics. There was somethi...
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About

Ruthlessly Curious is a long-term self-education project exploring mythology, psychology, systems, and personal growth through history, games, and lived experience.

What began as a way to document research gradually became something broader: a space to think more critically about behaviour, identity, culture, power, and the structures that shape human life. Over time, I realised I was less interested in memorising information for its own sake and more interested in understanding why people think, behave, believe, and organise themselves the way they do.

Much of my writing focuses on:

  • ancient history and mythology
  • gaming psychology and systems
  • power, conflict, and social behaviour
  • identity, symbolism, and meaning
  • personal growth and self-education

I am especially drawn to the ways history and mythology continue to echo through modern life. Ancient stories, rituals, and social structures often reveal patterns that still exist today: status systems, group identity, propaganda, gender expectations, ambition, loyalty, fear, and the human desire for meaning. Games fascinate me for similar reasons. They create miniature social worlds built on progression, hierarchy, ritual, cooperation, and competition, often exposing aspects of human behaviour in surprisingly honest ways.



Alongside research essays, I also write more personal reflections drawn from lived experience, particularly around learning, isolation, motivation, work, discipline, identity, and navigating modern life as an autistic woman.

Autism has shaped the way I approach knowledge and observation. I tend to become deeply absorbed in patterns, systems, symbolism, and human behaviour, which naturally led me toward mythology, historical analysis, and psychological reflection. Research has often been less of a hobby for me and more of a way to orient myself within the world: understanding people, social expectations, emotional dynamics, and the structures that often feel invisible to others but overwhelming to navigate intuitively.

Self-education became important to me because it created a sense of agency. Much of this blog documents that ongoing process, following questions wherever they lead, refining ideas over time, challenging assumptions, and trying to build a clearer understanding of both the world and myself.

Some essays are structured and research-heavy. Others are quieter and more reflective. All of them are connected by the same central curiosity: how humans create meaning, construct identity, seek power, cope with uncertainty, and attempt to understand themselves.

This blog is not intended as a collection of definitive answers. It is a living archive of questions, observations, research, and personal growth, an attempt to think more deliberately, notice patterns more carefully, and remain ruthlessly curious about the world.




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Learning Deliberately: Why This Journal Exists

For the longest time, I have justified scrolling on my phone. Lying around, procrastinating tasks, ignoring the washing up that keeps piling up in the kitchen...  Ten minutes of TikTok would easily turn into forty... then an hour... then three. A slightly interesting video would lead to another, and another, and by the end of it I would be watching shit posts and poorly constructed edits with Subway Surfers covering the bottom half of the screen. If I'm lucky, I might come away with a minuscule piece of useful information, which typically is not well retained.  I began noticing this quiet frustration growing; time kept passing me by, and I wasn't doing anything practical with it.  The turning point came when I happened across a video by 'urfriendsteph' on TikTok. She is like-minded in that she is bored and has not really been applying herself in a productive way, so she started documenting short, focused 30-minute research sessions on different topics. There was somethi...
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